Anybody But Them

(This post is incredibly negative, everything Buzz Bissinger and Michael Wilbon hate about blogs. Consider yourself warned.)

What a difference a day makes.

I suppose this is the part where I'm expected to say "Congrats to Detroit, they played a great series blah blah blah" and all that shit. Well, fuck that. I make no claims of objectivity. Man, I hate the Red Wings! The only time these assholes seem to get their shit together enough to win it all it's against a team I like (this year, '02 vs. Carolina, etc.). And here they are, again, those same senior-citizen pretty-boy assholes who I've had to endure for the last fifteen fucking years. I'm so sick of the Red Wings that I could spit. So to hell with them. And if you're a Wings fan, I don't know what to tell you..defend 'em all you want, tell me you like my team too, it's not really gonna change my mind. Your four cups=I despise your team. That's just how it is.

Lemme clue you in on something about sports...unless you're a fan of the team, a frontrunner, or the type of vagina that says things like "I just love to see the game played at its highest level.", you don't like teams that win all the time. It's boring, it's a total snooze. Obviously, the fans in Detroit feel that way, since they couldn't even be bothered to sell out their own arena for every playoff game.

I hate to pollute a post this negative with optimism, but I am really proud of how the Penguins played all through the playoffs, coming so close and refusing to go down quietly. And while they do have a great future, nothing's guaranteed, and you have to appreciate and take advantage of the chances that come your way. The point is, I loved this team, and I really wanted this team to win it. Several of these guys'll be gone in a month, and that's gonna suck. All so Kris Draper and Kirk Maltby could win again! Ugh, it makes me sick.

So, fuck. Now it's over. I know at some point in the future I'll look back at this year's playoff run with different eyes and remember it as a fun ride, but all I feel right now is frustrated, angry, and bitter, bitter disappointment. Plus, thanks to that stupid bet I made, I have to wear a Red Wings jersey at Heroes Con in three weeks, a fucking Chris Osgood jersey, of all things...the thought alone just makes me want to shove a sharpened pencil into my brain.

Also, I've had a few requests, both in the comments sections and in several emails hoping for and asking about a drawing celebrating the Wings winning the cup. I'm baffled by this...I'm glad you like my work and all, but anyone who's read even one of my hockey-related posts has to know who I'm rooting for, that I'm pretty passionate about it and how thoroughly unenjoyable and, frankly, impossible it'd be for me to do something like that. Maybe it's typical that fans who follow the Wings, who've had nothing but success for the last ten years...are just clueless. They haven't had to endure any disappointment, so they have no appreciation for those who have. Anyway, sorry, it's not gonna happen.

Fuck it, I'm going to bed,


adampsyche said...

1. You liked Carolina? Laugh.
2. They had the best offense this year, and lost to the boring defensive-style Devils in 1995. They do play exciting, run and gun hockey.
3. Saying to hell with anyone winning the Cup* is miles below saying that it is lame when you like a team that wins a lot. This comes from a fan who loved Detroit during the Dead Wings 90s.
4. Yeah, not selling out every playoff game was lame. Agreed.
5. Apologies for the request, I thought you'd not be such a sore loser. Takes one to know one, I guess.
5. Enjoy wearing the jersey.
6. The PayPal total reflects $6 shipping.
7. Looking forward to reading Crosby's interviews. You gotta lose hard before you win, noob. Ask Steve Yzerman.

* Chris Pronger excluded. He sucks no matter if he won or not.

Robert Ullman said...

Adam, if you saw some of the emails I've been getting...seriously, you have no idea. If it makes you feel any better, I wans't talking about you.

Why are you even reading this? Shouldn't you be having a drink or something? I should be allowed to vent without worrying about offending you.

Yes, Pronger sucks.

Robert Ullman said...

And so does PayPal.

adampsyche said...

Cheers, sir. You're right, this is your house, your place to vent.

I'd probably be far less gracious.

(and I must say that I'd have been cheering for the Pens had the Wings not made it this far, for whatever that is worth).

MontiLee Stormer said...

Gee - bitter much?

Sorry you feel that way.

A lot of us die-hard fans couldn't afford to go to Joe Louis to see our Wings. We instead packed local bars, friends' homes and had to nap in our cars over lunch the day after Game 5. That doesn't mean we don't love our Wings. It means we have to pay for gas, food, and rent. We do have priorities. It's been a topic of conversation for a while here that the Ilitches and the NHL need to do something about the ridiculous rates for tickets.

Unlike the suckatude that is basketball, the game of hockey is still based on real skill - and wicked fights.

Yeah we're older. We also have experience and we love to win. Respect the fact that Detroit is a storied team with great history. We win because we're good. We don't have refs that favor one team over another for ratings (see: Basketball).

The better team won, with help from Fleury's ass.

Better luck next year.

BloodyGuts said...

how about a drawring celebrating the "what if" of the Pens winning the cup? we can pretend this last game was a bad dream...

Aaron said...

I'll second what montilee said on the not-selling-out front. If I could afford to get tickets to the game, I could. There's also a problem for the wings of a lot of seats being given to corporations who don't use them.

The Pens played amazingly well. It did come down to luck today, as it did in game 5, and indeed in many games throughout the playoffs and season. They're a great team, and Fleury's a great goalie. The fact that they're so young means that in a few years, when Cheli and Drapes and Malts and all those old farts finally retire, they'll have a little more experience under their belts and be able to go out and win some cups.

Losing sucks. I've experienced it in the past both as a player and as a fan. It especially sucks to get so far and lose.

As for a drawing, how about a snarling girl wiping some sweat off her forehead, getting up to go at the cup again (in a Pens Jersey.)

After all... there's always next season. The Wings do have a history of back-to-back cups, but they have just as much of a history of a cup-winning year followed by a quick exit in the first round.

chibi said...

i'm sorry, but that bit about the requests to commemorate the wings cup win is just funny to the point of sublime. "hi, i've just had my way with your wife, ransacked your house and kicked your dog. you're an artist right? could you draw something for me to remember it all by?"

the bruins are my team and i would give my left nut for them to be in the pens position. not only for how they played this year but also for the future to come. i must say though that because of how i perceive the wings organization and the success over the last 15 years i do appreciate watching them win. seeing them play this series was nearly art in itself. if they were buying a championship like the rangers did or the yankees do then i would agree with you that it is wrong but i think they are the apex of how an organization should be run, top to bottom. the bright spot is i see mario doing the same thing with the pens and i think they will be scary good for a long time to come.

sorry this was little consolation for you. take satisfaction that at least your team isn't the bruins (read: no clear sign of any change soon) and that everyone will be scared of your team for quite a while.

i love the blog and the artwork! thanks so much for combining two things i love so much, great art(especially the pinups) and hockey.

Shon Richards said...

"Lemme clue you in on something about sports...unless you're a fan of the team, a frontrunner, or the type of vagina that says things like "I just love to see the game played at its highest level.", you don't like teams that win all the time."

That has never been put better. I laughed my ass off.

Anonymous said...

Hey, that's just how I feel about the Yankees!

Robert Ullman said...

God bless you, Shon.

Robert, thanks for the backup. Enjoy Hossa.

Montilee: Yeah, I am a little bitter. That's just how it goes. Maybe you'd like to talk about the Celtics for a few minutes?

Adam: I was holding back when I wrote this. I really probably shouldn't watch sports.

Marne: Just wait 'til October.

Anonymous said...

Hey Rob. The Pens are destined to win a few cups in the near future. Just don't squander that potential like Ottawa has.

I hate how your Pens humiliated the Sens in the first round. But man did Pittsburgh ever deserve those wins - they're a great team.

You'd think I'd be used to playoff humiliation by now, but I still retain my childlike sense of wonder every postseason.

As for the drawings (which btw are great), how about some cheesecake involving the Pens plotting their revenge for next year?

Sean McGurr said...

Was the laundromat/bar you mentioned in the last post Laundry 101 in Kent? I probably ran into you there a couple of times without knowing it. Does it still exist? Great concept for a college town.

Robert Ullman said...

Sadly, Sean, I've worked at two laundromat/bar establishments in my time. I spent the summer/early fall of '95 at, yes, Laundry 101, and that vital experience enabled me to land a job at Suds-n-Duds when I moved to Greensboro, NC that October. It was at Suds where I watched the game.

101 is still in business, though...my pal Blackie (who worked there for awhile too) and I dropped in there for a beer in March of '07 while our spouses were at my wife baby shower. We told the girl working there, who probably would've been nine years old when we worked there, a bunch of sordid, ancient dirt about her employers.

Anonymous said...

I'll probably get shit on here, but to my eyes, the Pens played passably well in only two of the six games -- and only in parts of those two, if you really want to be precise. Games One and Two, in particular, were tragic. And the Pens just flat-out folded for all but 1:15 of the final 30 minutes of last night's tilt.

--All power to Shero and the PGH. The future may be theirs, but the Pens ran into a buzzsaw in The Finals. Wife, who used to watch the Pens practice on her high-school rink (Go Lebo!) and I were firmly in the Pens' corner. But, as frustrating as it was to watch the Finals, I begrudge the Wings nothing: any team that plays a fluid, puck-moving system on both sides of the center line is a VAST improvement over the lock-down defensive schemes of the past dozen or so years -- and I say that as an admirer in general of Lou Lamoriello. No interference, clutching or grabbing in the neutral zone, just fluid passing, quick penetration (heh), and magnificent backchecking. Pens for most of the series looked like they could not break the puck out from their goal line -- and nowhere was that as obvious as the 5-on-3 PP they boned in Game Five. Wings had more chances and shots during the Pens' two-man advantage, or so it seemed...

Detroit showed hockey at its best. Too bad our team had to be the lab rat when the Wings put on their clinic.

In short: Wings winning Cup = frustrating, but good for hockey in a general sense. Now maybe more people will notice when the Pens lift the Cup next year or the year after (Good Lord willing).


Anonymous said...

Dude. I have been checking out the blog for a while not leaving any comments but this post is brillant, so I had to say something. You truly capture what it means to support a team. I would say better luck next year but you need to focus all your attention on hating the Wings.