Cleveland Browns Dumpster Fire

A couple of my old college pals have started a podcast that chronicles the Cleveland Browns' miserable, inexorable march to an 0-16 season, and I was pleased...nay, thrilled...to contribute their cover art! Look it up and listen on iTunes, but beware...'tis not for the weak of heart!


Let's Go O's

I worked up this commission for an Orioles season ticket holder, and as an extra little touch I added their specific seats from Camden Yards as a background element!


San Diego Derby Dolls


Stanley Cup Final - Do it for Duper

Between 2007 and about 2011, I predicted a Penguins/Sharks Stanley Cup Final matchup every single year. Doubters, look no further than this interview, which a much younger me did with the Washington Post Express at SPX in 2007.

(please, skip ahead to the very end and spare up both the embarrassment)

At the time it seemed inevitable that they'd both eventually break through and face off for the Cup, but by 2013 or so, after years and years of disappointments and choke-jobs by both teams, it seemed somewhere between improbable and impossible. Now, a decade later and out of nowhere, here it is. Hockey's funny that way. If it was San Jose matched up against virtually any team from the east besides Pittsburgh, I would be right there in the shark tank with them. There are a lot of things to like about the Sharks...their fanbase, their style, their suffering...and I fully expect most of the hockey watching world, on an emotional level, to be rooting for them to beat the Penguins in these finals.

Well, let them. My emotions are firmly with my team, these players, these Penguins. Oh, and this guy.

I haven't missed a finals pick in five years, and only twice in the ten years I've been doing this. True, this one's a lot harder than most, because, obviously, I'm totally incapable of impartial analysis. I mean, it seems like the Pens' speed ought be able to wear down the Sharks' older lineup...it feels like Evgeni Malkin is due to break out and score some big goals...you'd think that Pittsburgh ought to be able to score some goals on Martin Jones, after getting the best of Henrik Lundqvist and Braden Holtby in the previous rounds. But like I said, hockey is funny, and the only thing you can be sure about when making predictions is that things could turn out the exact opposite of how you think they will. The Sharks are a great team, and I fully expect their huge defense and terrifying power play to give me heart palpitations and nightmares over the next two weeks. But I'm gonna stick by my record and emphatically say Penguins in seven.

Buckle up, baby...this is gonna be a blast!


The Prodigious Pearsons!

I did this commission for some friends here in the neighborhood. Can't go wrong with that old-timey comic book look!


Stanley Cup: Round 2

So how'd you do in round one? I went a respectable, if not spectacular 5-3. REALLY shocked to see both the Kings and Blackhawks kicked out by their traditional little brothers. Makes me worry about my Penguins!

Metropolitan Division Finals

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (2) Pittsburgh Penguins 

Man, this is gonna be a hell of a series. I'm not gonna say that whoever comes out on top in this matchup is gonna win the Cup or anything, because things rarely work out that way...but they'll no doubt be the favorite to do so.

We've got the league's best team vs. the league's hottest team. The Penguins' speed vs. the Capitals' size. Sid vs. Ovi and a cast of thousands. While I think the Capitals might empirically be the better team, I think the Pens are the better team right now. And with all the crushing pressure the Caps and their fans are feeling right now, I think that Pittsburgh will grab the house money and run with it. Pens in six.

Atlantic Division Finals

(1) Tampa Bay Lightning vs. (WC2) New York Islanders 

You've gotta be wondering how long the Isles are gonna be able to overcome their goaltending situation...current starter Thomas Greiss is their what... fifth-, sixth-stringer? Still, John Tavares and co. made it happen against top seed Florida and kinda made it look easy.

The Lightning are looking forward to the return of Stephen Stamkos after dispatching the Red Wings in just five games. It won't be easy for the Bolts, but they'll get it done. Lightning in seven.

Central Division Finals

(1) Dallas Stars vs. (2) St. Louis Blues 

The Blues finally get past their current arch-rivals, the Blackhawks, only to end up facing the team that seemed to beat them every year in the playoffs all through the 1990's, the Stars. The Blues looked far more impressive in dispatching Chicago than Dallas did toiling with the Wild, but I still think it'll be the  Stars in seven.

Pacific Division Finals

(3) San Jose Sharks vs. (WC1) Nashville Predators 

Well, here I go again. I said I'd never pick the Sharks again, but they looked mighty fine against the Kings and will smell blood in the water facing a fatigued, beaten-up Predators squad. Y'know, unless they pull a Sharks and fade. Sharks in six.

A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR: All of the original, hand-drawn art for this year's Stanley Cup picks will be on sale soon...but much of the art from previous years is currently available at my Etsy store, along with all sorts of other goodies.

Of course, if you'd like to go the extra mile and get a personalized, one-of-a-kind uni-girl illustration of your very own to your exact specifications, that information can be found here.


Playoff Time 2016!

It's time for the 2016 Stanley Cup playoffs!  It's gonna be a slimmed-down version of the Atom-Bomb Bikini Playoff Challenge this year, and thanks to a time crunch, I wasn't able to create any new pin-up art, but don't worry, I haven't gone soft on you... I'm hopeful to get some together for round two hope. And in the meantime, I hope you enjoy these illustrations from a book I did for The Hockey News last year! This my favorite time of year, I LOVE hearing y'all's Cup picks, and you can win some art, books, stickers and other great stuff...so let's GO!

EASTERN CONFERENCE – Atlantic Division Semifinals

(1) Florida Panthers vs. (WC1) New York Islanders

It's hard to imagine the Florida Panthers as a #1 seed, but here they are. They came out of the gate on fire and put together a really solid season...I kept expecting them to backslide, but it never happened. They're a feel-good story... and you have to love that Jaromir Jagr is still contributing at age 65.

For the Islanders, it's gonna be a tough climb. Beset by injuries, they've been fading for the last couple months. Cats in five.

(2) Tampa Bay Lightning vs. (3) Detroit Red Wings

A rematch of last year, this series features the Stamkos-less Bolts against the Red Wings, who managed to play just well enough to reach the playoffs for an impressive 25th straight year. Even without their superstar, I still figure Tampa Bay to dispatch Detroit fairly easily.  Bolts in six.

EASTERN CONFERENCE – Metropolitan Division Semifinals

(2) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (3) New York Rangers

Another rematch (actually a three-match), but with a decidedly different. I lambasted the Pens in this space last year, and deservedly so. They were a complete mess, and though they managed to make it a little closer than I thought they would, they still got their asses handed to them. What a difference a year makes. The Pens are the NHL's hottest team, and have been on fire since mid-March. They've had their usual spate of injuries, but youth and depth have carried them through, unlike in the past. Everything seems to be lining up for them as it did in 2009...can they stay hot and continue their good fortune?

The Rangers, on the other hand, seem to be in a little bit of the same spot as Pittsburgh the last couple seasons. Still very good, but a bit older, banged up and showing some mileage. Still, anytime you have King Baby Stuff Henrik in goal, you've got a chance to come out on top.  Penguins in six.

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (WC2) Philadelphia Flyers

The Caps had pretty much sewn up the President's Trophy by Valentine's Day, giving their fans a full two months to stress about going into the playoffs as the NHL's top team. For all their trouble, they end up matched against the Flyers, whose late-season tear propelled them past the Bruins for the final wild card spot. It'll be a tough battle for the Caps, who will suddenly feel the weight of expectations against a team that figures to at least decapitate your best players if they can't beat you on the scoreboard. Sphincters haven't been this tight in the nation's capital since Bush/Gore in 2000. Caps in seven.

WESTERN CONFERENCE – Central Division Semifinals

(1) Dalas Stars vs. (WC2) Minnesota Wild

The Stars are the class of the west, an offensive powerhouse and solid in all phases of the game. They figure to have an easy time with the Wild in this battle of Minnesota's old and new teams. Stars in five.

(2) Chicago Blackhawks vs. (3) St. Louis Blues

You gotta feel for the always-a-bridesmaid Blues. They're always good and seem loaded with potential, but always seem to get the toughest draw. This time around it's the Blackhawks, who simply seem incapable of losing this time of year. Blackhawks in six.

WESTERN CONFERENCE – Pacific Division Semifinals

(1) Anaheim Ducks vs. (WC1) Nashville Predators

Anaheim started the season looking awful but finished strong...thanks, inexplicably at least to THIS Pens fan, to the addition of David Perron mid-season, who contributed mightily to their offense until being sidelined with an injury a few weeks back. The shaky health of Anaheim's forward might finally allow the Predators, extremely good for a wild-card team, to take that next step into the second round. Preds in seven.

(2) Los Angeles Kings vs. (3) San Jose Sharks

After getting burned more times than I can count, I set up an iPhone alert several years ago to go off every year on April 12 that says "Don't pick the Sharks!". San Jose has switched back from their lousy black alternates to their regular teal home uniforms for the playoffs, righting one of history's greatest wrongs, but will it be enough to beat the rival Kings, who always find an extra gear in April and May? I'd like to believe, but I don't. Not yet. Kings in seven.

Now on to the contest...


As in years past, the rules are simple...pick the teams you think will advance to the final four, the conference champions, and the eventual Stanley Cup winner. One point for each correct final four pick, two for each final two pick, and three for picking the champs. Whoever has the most points when that cup is hoisted in June will win the big prize! 

Here's what you're playing for: The big winner will receive a custom piece of original artwork of a pinup girl wearing the jersey of his or her favorite team, along with both issues of Old-Timey Hockey Tales, and pack of Atom-Bomb stickers. Two runners-up will just get the books and stickers...and in case of a tie, I'll put all the names in a hockey helmet and select a winner at random.

How to enter: Write your picks in the comments section of this here blog post. Not on Facebook, not on Twitter, not in an email, but in the comments section of this post. And as usual, struggling as I have to finish the art on time, everybody gets one free game! That's right, you have until the pucks drop on Friday night to enter!

And finally, please, if you have a Twitter handle or something like that that you wouldn't mind adding to your post, that'd be great....I don't want to have a prize go unclaimed because I had no way of getting in contact with the winner! Enjoy the playoffs... and good luck!

And of course...

CRASS COMMERCIALISM DEPT: Lots of original, hand-drawn art for past year's Stanley Cup picks  is currently available at my Etsy store! Good deals abound, and if you're looking for a specific team that you don't see listed, PLEASE drop me a line and I'll see if I can dig it up for you!

And as always, if you'd like to go the extra mile and get a personalized, one-of-a-kind uni-girl illustration of your very own to your exact specifications, that information can be found here


Channelling Keane

Fun times this week, channelling the "wandering Billy" strips in The Family Circus for this illustration for The Stranger. Drawing a homeless tent camp in the style of Bil Keane is harder than it sounds!


As it happens, this isn't the first time a little Keane has showed up in my work, as evidenced by this Savage Love illustration from a buncha years back.


Happy Birthday, Pris!

Seems as good a day as any to share this long-ago-drawn but never-completed image of Daryl Hannah as Pris from Blade Runner!


Betty and Cliff



February already? GOOD! I am ready for some baseball!






GO Tigers!


Angels 2015

I don't think I ever posted this, my fourth poster for the Virginia Breast Cancer Foundation excellent annual Night of Honky-Tonk Angels fundraiser.



One of many commissions I completed in advance of the 2015 holiday season...stay tuned for more!




Risky Business